Sherlock Holmes – Hats on, it’s time to track down triggers
We all have automatic neural pathways designed to help us respond quickly and efficiently to stimuli in our environment. Something happens, or someone says something. The brain immediately interprets the situation and signals the body to produce an emotion, which is meant to prompt you to react in a way that makes sense—based on past experience. But what helped us survive or cope in the past isn’t always helpful in new contexts. If you notice yourself reacting to a situation with disproportionate intensity, chances are that your reaction carries emotional charge from your history. Learning to identify your own triggers and their origins helps you gain distance. You can’t change the past, but you can learn to distinguish its influence from the present—and remind yourself that it may be coloring your interpretations.
“Anybody can become angry—that is easy. But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose, and in the right way—that is not within everybody’s power and is not easy.”
— Aristotle, Nicomachean Ethics, Book II, Chapter 9
As I often say: if the television is broken, fixing the toaster won’t help. So let’s begin the tracing process. The first key is: awareness. The second is pausing and calming yourself. Dropping anchor, breathing calmly, and allowing the emotion to move through. The third is analyzing the situation and bringing yourself from the past into the present. The fourth is deepening and expanding your self-awareness.
Many of my clients have found the following steps helpful:
1. Draw a Life Line
Mark different stages of life and write down the kinds of memories that come up (with compassion—these were your experiences and feelings at that age). Write positive memories on one side, painful ones on the other. The positives show what you value and aspire to. The painful ones reveal where your brain has learned to detect “danger” signals. Look for recurring themes. Do you fear making mistakes? Do you feel nervous in new situations, with unfamiliar people, or in front of an audience? Do you get irritated when someone seems to boss you around or dismiss your experience? Do you withdraw and appease when someone is angry? Do you interpret constructive feedback as harsh criticism and find yourself lashing out?
2. Notice what kinds of situations bring your mind back to certain memories
How old are you in the memory? Where are you? This helps you identify where part of your current emotional overload or urge to react might be coming from. This is not trauma therapy, nor are you re-experiencing trauma. You’re simply visiting the past just enough to understand where your sensitivities around a particular theme may have developed.
One client of mine often felt excluded in childhood peer groups. As an adult, she realized those experiences shaped her tendency to overanalyze how others respond to her—always assuming, deep down, that people didn’t really like her. So, at social gatherings or in team meetings, she became hyper-alert to cues that might support this belief. And of course, when we search for something, we’re likely to “find” it. She came to see how this self-protective tendency was still shaping her present-day interactions. Becoming aware of the pattern allowed her to speak to herself more kindly when doubt arose, and she noticed she began to feel better—faster.
You can think of the goal as bringing more of yourself from the past into the present, leaving the rest where it belongs. Be gentle and compassionate with yourself, but also a firm, caring adult. Imagine it this way: if you once encountered a crocodile at the river when collecting water, it makes perfect sense to be wary the next time you’re there. But through trigger tracking, you can begin to calm your nervous system—thank your brain for the protective warning, and then gently remind yourself: you’re not even near that river anymore. And if you do meet a new crocodile, it’s a good thing you’re able to spot danger quickly and respond in the moment. That earlier experience wasn’t wasted—but it’s not supposed to dictate your reaction every time you swim, even in crocodile-free waters. You see what I mean?
The past doesn’t change—but your body’s over-reactivity can settle. You’ll be better able to stay present, respond with flexibility, see situations more clearly, and act in ways that are truly helpful.
Start by identifying your positive triggers and anticipations so you can understand the phenomenon. What gets you excited? What makes you look forward to something with eagerness? Later, you can move on to more challenging emotions. Observe without judgment. Let the feeling and images come and go. You’re not “there” anymore—but you once developed a survival strategy, and your brain is still trying to protect you by urging you to react the same way. Now you’re “big,” and you can choose differently.
3. Imagine giving your younger self a hug
If you recall walking home from school after being bullied, picture yourself now as an adult wrapping that child-version of you in a warm embrace. Hug them and say: “It’s 2025 now. We’re not there anymore.” This is a powerful way to calm yourself and remind your nervous system that you are safe, here, now. You’ve grown up to be the adult you needed.
4. Expand your curious self-inquiry
Reflect on what kinds of present-day situations resemble earlier experiences and pull you back into “old highways” on autopilot. For example, under stress, you might try to do everything yourself—because as a child you couldn’t rely on the adults around you and learned to survive alone. You now demand a lot from yourself and seek to control your environment. In a relationship, this might be experienced by your partner as a lack of trust. They may feel like they can’t do anything “right,” and withdraw. Your mind interprets this as confirmation that they don’t care and can’t be trusted. You’re back in all your earlier moments of being left alone. Your brain urges you to return to your old survival strategy—doing it all yourself. Frustration and disappointment arise, and it spills out on your partner, who withdraws further. And the cycle is complete. What kinds of cycles do you end up in? – Know that you can break them now, simply because you’re aware of them. Think through how—and talk about it with your partner.
Summary
Think of your brain as a road network. If you don’t pause, it runs on autopilot. It processes quickly and wants to keep you safe—predicting the future based on the past. But if your brain’s software only includes Counter-Strike, you can’t play Minecraft. You’ll keep reacting with outdated strategies—even if they don’t serve you anymore.
A trigger is simply a small piece of information that your brain links, lightning-fast, to a past experience. The more painful—or the earlier—that experience was, the more intense your emotional response may be in the present. You’re not just feeling this moment—you’re feeling every similar moment that came before, at the self-regulation level you had at that age.
Breathe. Drop anchor. Let the feeling pass. Remind yourself that you’re not there anymore. Imagine exiting the old highway at the very first ramp. Make a U-turn. When you learn to pause and trace your reaction’s origin, old autopilot paths begin to lose their grip. You start noticing the crossroads sooner and can choose a new direction.
You deserve a good life—not one that repeats old pain.
This is just a brief and simplified map, but hopefully it offers some direction forward. ❤️
P.S. This map is purely psychoeducational and does not replace therapy. If you’re in a situation or relationship that causes ongoing harm, please seek support and consider how to change your environment. If your reactions feel overwhelming or unmanageable, don’t hesitate to contact me or another professional. Often just a few sessions can make a difference. The most important thing is this: you don’t have to go through it alone.